"Just the Bear Facts"

I have a journal with chairful of adorable teddy bears on the cover. Just above the picture it says "JUST THE BEAR FACTS." Very cute. And very untruthful.

Bare facts are not exactly what went in this journal. Oh, there were plenty of factual events I related from my own life, but most of it is a little more colorful. I received this journal from a friend when I was ten years old. I named it "Josie" (don't ask me why) and I wrote in it haphazardly for a couple years, at which point it began to appear too childish for me, and I graduated to a notebook. But from time to time my notebooks would fill up, and this teddy bear journal would fill in until I got a new one. I've had fun paging through it tonight.

My very first entry is a rather boring account of my brother's birthday party.

My very second entry is exactly three months later. (I had a little trouble getting into the habit of writing.) This entry is a list of all my relatives. Really. It's thrilling. But the last paragraph got me thinking...

About three weeks ago, my dad found out that the place where he worked had shut down, so now he won't have a job after June somethin' or other. You might be surprised, but I'm really not worried about it. One night in Minnesota, mom prayed with me about it. I've never worried about it since. I'm really trusting God that he'll provide our needs, job or no job. He's praying about applying for a North West job in Minnesota. I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

The loss of my dad's job way back in1991 was the first real "trial" I had encountered so far in my life. And how reassuring it is to look back and realize that in that very first uncertain time, God made His peace known to me. Can't I count on Him to do the same thing now? I know I can.

Lest you think I was a super-spiritual little preteen, here's an exerpt from 7-8-93:
Tonight we took Jodi out to Burger King. We talked to some relatives there, and then I saw Gary Mayhew. He is so cute. SSSOOO CCCUUUTTTEEE!!! Dreamy. But he never even looks my way. Why should I care?

After 1993, the teddy bear journal became an outlet for strange impulses. In eighth grade, I wrote a series of journal entries as a character I was playing in "Loudmouth George" at Child's Play Theatre. In ninth grade I went through a phase of writing down absolutely everything I ate every day. (That's a real page-turner, now.) There's a poem or two as well, and then....

10/29/96
Guess what? We started going to Bloomington Assembly a few weeks ago. (Who knew we'd end up in a big church?)

After that, a short story. Pretty darn good, I think. But I'm not including it here. There's a few pages of Scripture quotes and then we skip ahead to a very momentous day.

8/27/99
I feel so strange. This is my "last" night home, and my journal is packed away. I move in to NCU tomorrow morning. I should be excited, nervous, scared, sad, or happy. But in the midst of all the packing and rushing around, I've felt... almost nothing. Just an odd sense of vague uneasiness.

Oh Mindy, Mindy. Little did you know. Your last night home? No, dear one. Your last night home is yet to occur, but it's on its way. And I do know it will feel strange. Just how strange I have yet to discover. I imagine I will be excited, nervous, scared, sad, and happy... all at the same time. Or will I again feel nothing? Time will tell.